Drive to win

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A guide to driving in Israel


How to drive a la Israeli:

DRIVING A CAR:

You are on your own, everybody is against you

You are special, so others will move out of the way. They are lesser beings than you, therefore are below you in the hierarchy of the universe

Focus on the car in front of you. He is your number one ennemy.

Your sole objective is to take everybody over on the road, one by one. You start with the car in front of you

Dont let yourself get distracted by cars in other lanes, or traffic signs, traffic lights.

If the car in front of you, your ennemy slows down, sound your horn. Make your presence felt. This will induce fear, which will help in overtaking him.

Sound your horn randomly, for the same purpose as above

Another efficient technique for inducing fear facilitating your overtake is to drive as close as you can can to the car in front of you.
This works best on motorways at high speeds.

Next to your steering wheel there is a stick on the left hand side. Its called an indicator. Ignore it! Its a flaw in the design.

Pedestrians are a subhuman life form. Aim to rid the world of them!

When stopping at the traffic lights, try to get as much as you can into the intersection. This will help you gain valuable milliseconds in your journey. Pedestrians crossing the street should crawl under you, where they belong

You should never feel alone while driving. Stay in constant contact with others through your mobile phone.

Social cohesion is very important. If you see a friend walking or driving by, dont hesitate to stop and have a chat.
Those behind you can use this time to philosophise about the creation of the universe.


RIDING A SCOOTER

You are a ghost.

You are invisible. You can sneak past everything and ride everywhere.

Ride on the kerb if the road is busy.

Ride against the flow of traffic in a one way street, if you feel that riding in the proper street will lengthen your journey

Ride with your feet dangling off the bike. This looks cool. So does the cast, when you get an open fracture of your lower legs.

Other scooter riders are only imitations of the real thing: You

The smaller the engine of your scooter the more you need to show a 1000cc racing bike that you are not afraid of taking him on.

When stopping at the traffic lights, try to get as much as you can into the intersection. This will help you gain valuable milliseconds in your journey.

Pedestrians are a subhuman life form. Aim to rid the world of them!

Smoking while riding makes you feel more relaxed and is a great way to enjoy the ride.

You should never feel alone while riding. Stay in constant contact with others through your mobile phone.

If you carry any passenger on your 50cc scooter make sure you ride in the inner lane at low speed.

If you carry a female passenger on your 50cc scooter make sure she has half her bum out.


DRIVING A TAXI

You are the King

The world was created for you. Its all yours

Study and apply vigorously all the techniques of the regular car driver

If you need to stop to pick up / drop off a passenger there is a very elaborate manoeuvre you need to master:
cut through the lanes without slowing down
do not indicate
dont stop parallel to the kerb, rather with an angle. this will slow down the traffic behind you and create a safety bay for your passenger

You can stop wherever you want, remember the world was created for you


DRIVING A POLICE CAR

You are the King

You are the Law

Walk proud, drive proud

Dont bother showing a good example, your time is way too precious for that.